Dec94 Welcome to a new feature here at Hangdoggerel, wherein we try to bring a little snippet or two of sunshine into your lives with a favorite pastime of ours: the mix. What's a mix? Developed by a crack team of imbibery and stream-of-consciousness scholars at Syracuse University in the mid-1980s, it might well be defined as a synonym for another three-letter word, spelled f-u-n, and it's sure to be the highlight of any night on the town at a point at which lucid conversation has ceased to be a viable option. Simply take any title or cliche and let your comedic sense run wild.
Our inaugural Mix of the Month mixes off the immortal painting "Dogs Playing Poker." To wit:
- Dogs Playing "Freebird."
- Dogs Playing Good Cop-Bad Cop.
- Dogs Playing Dice with the Universe.
- Dogs Playing Power Forward.
- Dogs Playing Me for a Chump.
- Dogs Playing Hard to Get.
- Dogs Playing "Misty" for Me.
- Dogs Playing God.
Now you try it! Your hearty laughter is all the thanks we'll ever need. Hint: It helps if you're drunk.
Apr 95: phobias.
- Fear of Jewish holidays would be menoraphobia.
- Fear of "that Jolly Old Elf" would be claustrophobia.
- Fear of Pacific islands would BoraBoraphobia.
- Fear of the mythic Indian Holocaust would be mahalamaprayaphobia.
- Fear of subterranean silicon-based life-forms would be hortaphobia (Trek geeks only).
- Fear of lotsa stuff would be plethoraphobia.
- Fear of old boisterous Irish guys would be begoraphobia.
- Fear of Turkish capitals would be Ankaraphobia.
Oct95: Hitler's On!
The following mixathon was conceived and assisted by Jim Gorman and Mike Tallon:
- If Hitler invaded a scenic Canadian national park, it'd be Mein Bamf.
- If Hitler read philosophy, it'd be Mein Kant.
- If Hitler wanted to lighten up his reading with some morose fiction, it'd be Mein Kafka.
- If Hitler had a favorite seafood, it'd be Mein Conch.
- If Hitler had a favorite Seattle SuperSonics forward, it'd be Mein Schrempf.
- If Hitler played guitar, it'd be Mein Amp.
- If Hitler had a favorite Stooge, it'd be Mein Shemp.
This month's mix comes from Dave Johnson, who was drunk when he started it at Spike Vrusho's birthday party at McHale's and didn't really get much beyond three actual mixes, and since he was late getting us some more hard copy, the Hangdoggerel staff went ahead and flushed it out a bit. Starting everything off-Johnson's primary concept:
Andrew Dice Webber,
auteur of such plays as Pussies;
Jesus H. Fuckin Christ, Superstar,
Joseph and the Amazing Piece of Ass;
Hey, Spider-Woman, Kiss This and Shut Your Blow-Hole!
featuring such songs as
"Don't Bust My Balls, Argentina";
"Ey! If I Don't Know How to Love Her, How Come I End Up Doin All the Work In Bed?"
"Skinflute Music of the Night."
"Keeping up with the Joads."
-Mike Tallon May98
Nov96: Marcudis of Borg's Stream of Comedy
Replacements for outdated phrases.
Old phrase: I like Ike! Replacement: Ike? What a shithead.
Old phrase: Hot Diggity. Replacement: Man, that looks infected.
Old phrase: Don't tread on me. Replacement: Hey, easy with the treading!
Old phrase: Neither hide nor hair. Replacement: Neither hide nor Jell-O.
Old phrase: E. Pluribus Unum. Replacement: E. Pluribus Murder.
Old phrase: Close but no cigar. Replacement: Close but no cigar, Ms. Degeneres. Ms. ELLEN DEGENERES.
Old phrase: Better safe than sorry. Replacement: Better safe than Regis.